You are responsible for your own life. But isn't it comforting to know that there are people out there who are always there for you when you need it? Everyone hits a low point every once in a while, & sometimes we need a shoulder to lean on, no matter how big, dark, silly or inconsequential the issue at hand may seem. When we are at our most vulnerable, we need people whom we can trust, & who will accept us for who we are at that moment in time & not judge us. We need people who have the patience to let us go through the motions & gently help us figure shit out. Yes, of course we can't expect others to always drop everything & be there for us all the time, especially if we are not committed to making any effort to step out of our own bullshit. But once in a while it is nice to have someone who cares, & is willing to give you a helping hand. To me, there is an art to being there for someone. The term commonly used nowadays is 'holding space'. This does not only mean that the other is merely a good listener, it also means that 'whatever happens in the space, stays in the space'. See, to have the integrity to not blab to someone else about the conversation; & not use whatever was talked about nor the speaker's weaknesses against him/her in future...now that's priceless. That's truly priceless, dear readers. If you ever find someone who is able to hold space for you, please hold on tight to them. These people are undercover angels. ;) ;) ;) We need people in our lives with whom we can be as open as possible. To have real conversations with people may seem like such a simple, obvious suggestion, but it involves courage & risk. - Thomas Moore - I'm grateful to have people who are able to hold space for me. I'm also grateful that we can talk on & on till the wee hours of the night, laughing, crying, sharing our experiences & learning from each other, even if our life paths differ greatly. Even after not being in touch for yonks, just one call & it's like nothing ever changed. Relationships are beautiful when both have sincere love for each other. When neither one thinks themselves higher than the other, & there is no idea of domination or control. Then everything flows naturally. I don't know why, but each time I'm going through a difficult time, the Universe sends someone from far away to help me out. One of the most amazing things in life is when you just meet someone & it's like you've known them for years, or you just click naturally & everything just pours out from within. You just 'get' each other. You don't judge them, & they don't judge you, no matter how silly either of you may seem to others. & you know that, they will always be willing to help you out in any way they can, even if that means giving you the proverbial tight slap on the face with the hard truth. Thanks to the Internet, I have sometimes even found strength in the most unlikely strangers halfway around the world. There have been times when I was all weepy under my covers & a short text conversation helped me regain my sanity. Sounds foolish, but in my experience, there are times when you just need to hear someone else state the things which are already in your head, so that you can completely comprehend & accept the situation at hand. Sometimes, you just need to know that somebody cares. & although I don't know when I will meet these dear friends of mine again, & there are some whom I may never ever come face to face with; those few moments in time made all the difference in my life, & I am grateful. Woy, Universe, send lah someone who is at least in my time zone! Why you so like this ha! :P :P :P Of course, the quality of a relationship cannot be determined by how much time you spend together, nor how long you have known each other. But you can't deny the impact one person can have on another during the latter's moments of despair. Two things to remember: 1. Never take people for granted. You never know what their story is. Always be kind. 2. There is always someone out there who cares. It's okey to not be okey. You just need to reach out & there will always be someone there to catch you. I promise. I will always remember this parable Gurumukh told us: We are all walking together on a dark path, & one person is holding a flashlight. If the person with the flashlight is walking too far ahead, the ones at the back will be left in darkness. Same thing if he is too far back. So, if he is too far ahead, he should slow down so the others can catch up, & the others need to make an effort to catch up. If he is too far back, he needs to walk faster, & the others need to slow down. We need to walk together, so that we can share the light & reach our destination together. This mixed media piece I did last July (oh damn, has it been that long???): 'Ripple Effect. Core Connections.' Each soul we cross paths with affects us to a certain extent, whether we like it or not, & whether we realize it or not. The question is, how many actually touch your very centre? How many do you allow close enough to see your one, true self? & how many are sincere enough to want to know the real you? Given these two variables, how many people have touched your centre? We come into this world alone, & we will leave it alone. But in between, it is the heartfelt connections we create with others which makes life beautiful.
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(Image courtesy of Su Yen) Now the petals are falling. Evening has come. The sun has set, the night will take over. The death has come, the petals are falling towards the earth. They don't hesitate. They don't know where they are going, they don't know whether there is an earth down there or not - maybe it is a bottomless abyss - but they don't doubt, they don't hesitate. (...) Petals falling, fluttering down towards the earth. Simply trust - do not the petals flutter down just like that? & everything - God, moksha, nirvana - everything, I say to you, becomes possible. Just trust. Just like that. - Osho - When I was in Rishikesh last year, I wrote this: After ten months, here I am again! Although my beloved Rishikesh is not the same, & the Ganga is much more ferocious than when I first met her, I am learning a lot about myself this trip. Sometimes you need to remove yourself from your usual environment to check in with yourself as to where you are in life. What is important to you? Who are the people who matter? Are you living the life you want? Are you living *at all*? One question I always thought I knew the answer to is, 'What do you want to be?' I'm very glad to report that nowadays I'm very sure that I don't know what I want to be. It was a soft voice, but has grown loud & strong. 'I don't know.' It is one of the most beautiful statements in life. I never would have imagined I would have this life. So how should I know what I want to be, what I should be? All I know is that the Universe has my back, & I'm excited to see what the future holds! Hair drier, skin two tones darker, feet dirtier, sweaty & sticky in the monsoon weather; yet these are among the happiest days of my life. Words cannot even begin to express how I feel. Ganga Maaya Ki Jai! Most of the time, I'm gobsmacked at how my life has turned out. & it continues to stun me what the Universe has planned for me. However, this 'not knowing' isn't always easy! The ego always wants that false sense of security, of being in control, of knowing not only the final destination but also the route, the possible detours, the weather forecast, ETA, yadda yadda yadda. Then, 'not knowing' starts becoming a frightening thing. 'What am I going to do?' 'What about my plans?' 'How?' 'When?' 'Where?' 'When?' 'Who?' What do I want in life? This question has been making its rounds in my mind ever since those days in Rishikesh. Sometimes, it is easy to say, 'I don't know'. But other times, it is a struggle surrendering to the Universe. This fear is all too familiar. Yet it is a unique & new experience in its own right. Throughout the day, it goes from one end of the spectrum to the other. One minute my tears are tears of happiness & gratitude, the next they are of fear & sadness. Sometimes, they are both at the same time. I don't know. I am just observing these things, coming & going. Observing the emotions, observing my clinging to them, observing my letting go of them... I don't always know what I want in life. But I do know what I want from life. I want to travel. I want to see the world. I want to be around people who are roaring mad & have a zest for life. I want to experience life in its entirety. I want to be me, & not have to be apologetic nor ashamed about it. It would be nice to have someone to share the journey with. But it is equally wonderful to have the freedom of not being answerable to anyone. Feck, I don't know. I don't know a shit about anything. Yet I know a few things. That must count for something, right? Fast forward almost a year later, & I am still experiencing those same sentiments. The fear is still very much there, but I can say that I surrender more easily now. It still scares the shit out of me that I don't fit into the idea of what an adult is (well, the version that I grew up believing in, anyways). Sometimes I wonder if The Mother was right: 'How long can you be a hippy for?' Damn. Just typing those words makes everything seem so surreal. But by & by, it has been shown to me that I cannot work purely for money. The last time I did, I got stomped on the foot by a horse & it took me months to recover. Lesson learnt. However, the Universe is a benevolent one. It always provides when necessary. I remember the time before I'd ever been to India. We were planning to attend Teacher Training in Rishikesh. I had quit my day job few months earlier, & being a fairly new yoga teacher, did not have many classes. So afraid of not having enough cash to pay for the course, I avoided the matter altogether until the last minute - taking out the envelope of money containing all the class payments I'd received, nervously counting them all...the grand total came to just about RM200 more than I needed. I'll never forget that moment when I clutched those goddamn paper notes to my chest & wept like a biatch. Bahahahahah! I'm not a business-minded person. I can't brain money, politics, sales, networking, branding & what-not. But miraculously, things always work out in the end. & I am extremely blessed that to have crossed paths with people who help me along the way. I believe that people are inherently good, & are willing to share or help out in whatever way they can; but of course don't expect them to run through hell & back all the time lah...that one melampau batas loh (crossing the line)..! Either through emotional/mental support, sharing of experiences, sharing of food (om nom noms!), etc...each & every form of assistance is a blessing. & I hope to be able to return the favour(s), & pay it forward whenever necessary. By the way, today Facebook told me that I made 100 friends in the past year. Mindfuck. How is that even humanly possible??? Image from www.introvertdoodles.com So what am I actually doing here in this world, in this lifetime? Maybe it is to share my journey? It feels narcissistic to think so. It seems scary. Because who am I to discuss philosophy? Will I be able to handle the fact that my viewpoints will piss at least one person off? Will the future me look back on everything & cringe in shame? I don't know. But what I do know is that being vulnerable is necessary. It is so much easier to show the real you than to hide behind a mask all the time. Showing my real self, I've found true friends. Showing my real self, I've had people tell me how much my writing helped them through a rough patch in life. Being 100% is freedom. I find that I can't forgo the things that my heart beats for. I cannot deny the things which remain, even as the days go by, even as other things come & go. The things which stubbornly cling to me, although I try to shake them off or distract myself with other things. Although these things may seem foolish or even crazy, even to myself, I cannot deny them any longer. It's true, sometimes I myself can't make sense out of things, & I wonder if I am truly going bonkers. Quite scary-fying lah. Huhuhu...but what to do? I think I've had enough of playing small. I've gained this much so far, let's see what the Universe will bring now. ;) ;) ;) |
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About Prabh LehriI am a yoga teacher based in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. I am passionate about yoga as a form of healing on the physical, emotional & mental level. I have been on a yoga journey for almost a decade and have been formally sharing my experience in the last 4 years. Archives
December 2017
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